Perfectionism getting in the way?

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I can’t do that because I don’t have enough experience in that field…

I will start monday…

I am not skinny enough to wear that…

No one will ever read or listen to what I have to say anyway, I am just not good enough…

I can’t submit my resume yet, it is’t perfect…

How many times have phrases similar to these stop you from going after what you really want in life? If it is more than once or a handful of times, you may be a perfectionist. I should know, I am one!

image via pinterest

image via pinterest

I have spent many years on the side lines looking out onto other people living their life successfully, wondering what am I doing wrong? I look on with envy and self-pity. Why can’t I get to where they are too? I just couldn’t quiet put my finger on what was holding me back until I took a long, hard look in the mirror.  It was me. The greatest thing in my way was myself and my perfectionism. I was terrified of not being good enough.

My brain has been rattled with the thoughts of : What if I make a mistake? What if I am really bad? What if I can’t do it?

This mindset coupled with fear, it is a miracle I got anything done in my life time. I mean what is more paralyzing than a fear based perfectionist?

Luckily I am not the only one in this universe who has suffered form the self-indulgent disease the mind, and that many have found a solution.

I heard recently, for PERFECTIONIST, it is better to do it really badly than not doing it at all. In fact there was a stress to not even try to do a great job. Just do it- as Nike would say. Listening to these words instantly melted away the stress I place on my own shoulders of being perfect. It reminded me that we are humans, we are meant to make mistakes. How else would we move forward?

So now when I take a risk on myself, because most of life is about taking risks, and I make a mistake- I tell myself “oh look at me being a human, how cute.” I don’t berate or punish myself for mistakes anymore. There will always, ALWAYS, be more opportunities.

One of the greatest piece of advice I received from a friend ten years older than myself was, “Don’t take life so seriously. There will always be another job, another boyfriend, another chance.”

I hope that you take this week as an opportunity to practice being imperfect. See where it will take you, and remember there is always more opportunities around the corner.

Fear Fighter

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I find that the most challenging obstacle that stands in the way of personal growth is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of success. There are thousands of forms of fears, all of which we feel in a single day. The problem is what do we do about them?

I’ve seen how some friends viewed fear as a measure of being on the right path. “Well if I am not scared, then I am doing something wrong”. In their eyes, life isn’t meant to be easy. And for the most part, I agree with them. There will always be some type of fear hindering your ability to jump all in. It goes back to the old saying, “if it were easy, everyone would be doing it”. But I also believe that life does get easier when we just listen to our gut instincts despite the fear.

Picture from Pinterest

Picture from Pinterest

For me I personally see fear as a thin blanket of lies trying to persuade us to stay in the comfort zone and away from the miraculous life on the other side. It is nothing more than that. Of course there are natural fears, such as jumping out of a plane or being to close to a hungry lion. But I am not talking about those fears. I am talking about the fear of asking for a raise, or taking a chance of your life long dreams, or traveling around the world without millions of spendable money in the bank. Those fears, or lies really.

What would happen if you stopped paying attention to those ferociously loud voices saying that you can’t do it? What would happen if you say, “well thanks for sharing, fears, but I am going to take the chance anyway?” What would happen if you dared to say ‘Yes’ more than ‘No’ to universes invitations?  You may end up with the life you’ve been yearning for. There is more of possibility of  broaden your horizons, experience another dimension of this world, and actually be happy.

When you are feeling the fear, and hearing those loud voices of lies, take a second to pause. Write down what is stirring around inside. Keep writing until you get to the root of the fear, which usually deals with:

  1.  Not knowing how it is going to turn out/  fear of the unknown
  2. Financial insecurities / fear of failure
  3. Personal insecurities / fear of success
  4. or Past trauma / fear that the past is the present

When you get to your conclusion of what is going on look at that fear and tell yourself, “Just for today, I have enough. My life is unfolding exactly the way it needs to, and being afraid is neither helping me nor the people around me.” By looking at the fear and still take the actions your instincts are telling you to take, then you are dismissing any power that is based in the lies. You are pulling down the blanket and moving towards the life you want to live. It is a pretty remarkable feeling when you stop letting fear dictate your life.

Cheap Finds In Santa Monica

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Who knew you can get by on so little in the beautiful beach city of Santa Monica?

Apparently there are more broke college (or post college) students here than I had imagine. Or I am just insanely good at finding really great deals. Either way, here is what I have learned.

Note: This article turned into more of a satire than anything else, but bare with me, you may still get something out of it.

For Cheap Hair Cuts/Styling… Go to Toni and Guy Academy. For only $20 plus tip, you can get your hair cut and styled by an upcoming stylist. On Tuesdays, men can get their hair cut for free!  I have an appointment on Friday to test it out. Hopefully I won’t look like Justin Beiber by the end of it.

Free  Back Massages… Go to Brookstones and sit down in one of their back massage chairs. Yes, this is the ultimate definition of cheap, but hey, why else would they have a $5,000 chair on display if you can’t enjoy it.

Free Movies, Books and Music… Go to the Public Library. It is like shopping without having to swipe your credit card. I have to confess I get a slight high leaving with five movies and not having to pay a darn thing. Who ever thought of this was a pure genius.

All You Can Eat… Go to Cabo Cantina on Tuesdays. For $5, you can eat as many tacos as you can fit into your tummy. And if you simply cannot stomach one more taco, go to Hooters for all you can eat wings for $14.99 because that will surely make you feel better. Right? right.

Free Entertainment… Go to the Apple store and play the pre installed apps on one of the many ipads they have lying around. SpellTower has become one of my personal favorites.People in blue T-shirts may ask “what you are doing?”, but don’t worry, that’s their job. Afterwards, step outside and watch one of the ten thousand street performances on the promenade. You just can never be bored!

Free Work Outs… Old Muscle Beach. There are swings, rings, uneven bars, parallel bars, bouncy squishy floor mats (not really sure what that is for, but its fun to walk on) all great for upper body strength. For cardio, there is the infamous Santa Monica Stairs where you literally walk down and up steep sets of stairs. I personally don’t understand the appeal of this one, but it is there if you want free cardio that will make your entire lower half burn.

Well that is everything that I have learned thus far. I am sure there will be more to come. Stay tune!

A new beat to this blog

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It is happening! The transition to a newer format.

Today, Cheers, Gorgeous! launches a new page ‘Music’, where every Tuesday a new video will be posted of upcoming artists, new songs from highly credible singers, or throw backs to some incredible performers from the past. To start the page off the right way, a sneak peak of what is to come has already been posted.

Check out what is going on over at the Music page!

Expanding in 3… 2…1! But what are we expanding?

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So there has been a lot of thought about transforming this blog into something even better, more informative, and even more highly addictive than before.

I want to touch on points that haven’t necessarily been addressed before. I want to incorporate luxury in fashion, music, culture. I want everything to feel fresh. Just how am I going to fit it all onto this blog is the tricky part, but it will be done.

Now, what I need from you, the reader, is input. What do you want to see in the new Cheers, Gorgeous! format?  What articles do you prefer reading?

Leave me a post or email me to let me know what you are thinking too!

xoxo

Cheers, Gorgeous!

Looking at the Big Picture

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It is really easy to get stuck worrying about the details in life. I can attest. I find myself looking at what I don’t have, or what could be better and forget about the great miracles that are occurring on the larger level. Why do I do this? Because it is easier for me to digest the little things, and compare myself to others on those small facts. On a day to day level, I can say well, I don’t have a regular 9-5 job. I don’t have the next fifteen years planned out, and I am in my twenties and not engaged. I can take all of this and say, I am not good enough, I don’t do enough, and I am not smart enough. Basically I am degrading my intellect and personality by solely judging on the small spectrum of life. Now. Zoom out. I can see I am taking risks by uprooting my life, challenging myself by going out of my comfort zone in areas I had swore I’d never go, and constantly working on myself while helping others. Above all I am pursuing my dream as a writer and leader, believing in myself and having blind faith it is all working out. It is much harder to tell myself I am not good enough, I don’t do enough, and I am not smart enough after looking at that list.

The reason it is easier to over look all of these great achievements is because all of these things take more than one day to accomplish. Meaning it is harder to see the progress unless you constantly look at the bigger picture. And who has programmed their brain to do that? Naturally we look at what is in front of us. But a lot of happiness is lost when we just concentrate on the small picture. Stress can also increase by the constant comparing.

That is why, for me, I need a check in friend to help reflect back how far I have come, and how much I am doing in the large scale of life. I chose people that have known me for years and have seen my progression and change. They keep me grounded in reality, and in turn I help them remember how much they have going on as well.

I also check in by writing down what it is going on in my head, usually I can see how ridiculous my own personal judgment is when it is in black and white. It also helps lead me back to the big picture of things.

Lastly music and walking meditations help trigger the larger scale of life, reminding me why I am here, what is my purpose and let go of the smaller insignificant elements that can hold me back from being fully happy.

I hope this can help you to remember to look at the big picture, and really have admiration for yourself in how much you are doing.

Put Yourself First

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Women… most, if not all, give way too much and place ourselves last. We give ourselves emotionally, financially, mentally and even physically to men, women, jobs, children, and any other type of responsibility. Only to be confronted at the end of the day with piled up resentment and little energy left for ourselves. Well if that’s not frustrating, I don’t know what is.

For years, I have eagerly given these precious items away to those who “needed” them. I pointed many people in the right creative direction, resolved numerous arguments, spent money on dinners I didn’t want, and organized careers of those around me. For what? Absolutely nothing. I did it because I thought I had to help others whom I loved and cared for. I did it because I knew that I could make a big difference. I did it because I was so use to others taking number one priority in my own life that I forgot I had a say. Just because I am a responsible human being, doesn’t mean I have to be responsible for everyone around me who seem unable to get their s**t together. Do I hear an AMEN!

Currently, I am discovering the value of my own time, my own energy, my own creativy. I have dreams, that if I only exerted the same amount of energy, time, and finances that I had with others, I could see fulfilled immediately. So this year is being dedicated to just that. This year is all about ME. No more answering personal calls while I am working on my goals. No more dropping my to do lists, in order to be there for another person. No more running around like a maniac just so I live up to others expectations. No more worrying what others may think of this new way of living because after all this is MY LIfE, not anyone else’s.

Let’s get down to the basics. Here is how I intended to put myself first in my own life:

1) Turning the phone off, or put it away while working on me. The cell phone is the gateway for distractions and codependency. If it is out of sight, it is out of mind. When I have set phone dates or other expected calls it is okay to have it out, otherwise, bu-bye phone

2) For each event, request, or invitation I will ask myself, If I say yes to this am I saying no to myself somewhere else. Am I saying yes to picking someone up from the airport by saying no to my writing time? Or am I saying yes to going out to dinner by saying no to saving up for my dream sofa? These situations don’t work for me anymore. I have to say yes completely. Like, yes I want to go for a walk with you because I really want the fresh air and company.

3) Looking at other areas where I waste energy. Okay, obviously phone calls and text messages are the big ones, doing other people’s mental chores (figuring out their problem and solutions) are another. But I also waste energy checking emails, surfing the web for hours, not organizing my own daily routines. Being more efficient might be a better idea for me. For instance, in the morning meditate what needs to be done for the day, write down an action plan for how I would like to achieve each goal, and set aside mini breaks of timed fun. Meaning I can surf the web for 15 minute intervals instead of three hours.

4) Socialize when the time is right for me. I love my friend and family. I really appreciate the time I have with them, and to make it even more beneficial I will be interacting with them when it is appropriate for me. The great part is that those who love me as well, will understand my boundaries and will be more than happy to comply.

I highly recommend taking this year and making it all about you as well. Make sure you are number one in your own life. Say no when you feel like your being overlooked, or pulled in too many directions. You have every right to thrive and achiever your dreams, you are worth it.

A year older a year wiser

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Well, this past twenty fifth year of my life was incredibly unpredicatable. Never in my entire life would I have assumed or even guessed that I would live with my mom for a portion of the year and then my brother for the last portion. I also never really could have guessed that I would begin the year in New York City and end up in Southern California. I have learned a lot within this year. Here is a brief summary and some highlights.

Greatest Adventure: driving cross country for the second time with my mom. Not knowing where we will be stopping at night. Seeing all the old landmarks of this country, and discovering family treasures along the way. The views of the Badlands were breath taking, and the way I was able to monitor the climate as we moved through the different states was amazing. I also got to have a little fun and take pictures of a stuff animal at each historic landmark. Like this one.

look carefully in the background

look carefully in the background

Greatest Lesson: Let go of controlling and believe it is all going to work out. There were many situations this year that I wanted to manipulate into working but in the end I had to surrender and have faith that it will all be okay. Which is tough, but when I am able to practice this in everday life, I am able to experience and enjoy what has been given to me. I no longer am in charge of the world around me. Thank God, because that is a stressful job to uphold. My new job if is to receive and enjoy life. That is why we are all here anyway, right? Not so we can stress about every detail.

Second Greatest Lesson: Who cares what other think of me. It is none of my business anyway.

Greatest Person I met this year: Amanda, my writing coach who is helping me put my book together. I have never met a kinder, more loving coach than her. I have been given so much support, guidance and insightful questions that has completely remolded my writing. I now have a vision of how my book is going to come together. It is in the works!

Most Challenging Event: Constantly learning, growing, changing in a short period of time.  Since being in California, everyday there is a new lesson, and a new opportunity to practice what I have learned. But that is what I asked for when I left nyc. I wanted to keep growing (be careful of what you wish for!).

Best Take-away Moment of this Year: embracing self-care. This year, along with being reintroduced to family members, and moving across the country, I really plunged into self-care.  It is by far the best remedy for stress, pain, hurt, anxiety. I finally received a facial for the first time. I tried organic spray tanning, learned more about paraben-free products.

ahh so good. picture via pinterest from body and soul blog

ahh so good. picture via pinterest from body and soul blog

Most Embarrassing Moment: After the organic spray tanning I just mentioned, I wasn’t allowed to wear a bra. I didn’t know you couldn’t wear a bra after spray tanning, or else it will rub off the formula that they just dowsed your body in. Needless to say I wore the wrong shirt to go bra-less in. I tried to cover myself with my purse while half sitting on the subway train seats making sure my legs down touch he seats. All during rush hour. I prayed to get me to Queens as fast as the train could. Once at my station I practically ran back to my apartment all the while trying not to sweat off the tan. There were many stares. So embarrassing but the tan looked great!

Silliest/Most Hilarious Moment: living in Queens with  one of my best friends. With all of our morning coffee runs to dunkin donuts and our nightly talks. Our rain parties equipped with margaritas and random dancing to the song “it’s raining men”. This past summer is loaded with memories that I will never forget, and so grateful to have experienced.

Roomies for life

Roomies for life

Best Moment: Going to Coney Island with some friends and trying out the ridiculous rides during the summer and partaking in the polar bear plunge in the January.

Coney Island

Coney Island

Worse Moment: Having my debit card information stolen and my account wiped out. Enough said.

A Moment that Made Me Cry: Saying goodbye to my boyfriend while leaving NYC for California. Saying goodbye to NYC and all the amazing memories I had there, all the incredible people I was fortunate to meet along the way, and all the life lessons that I embraced while living there.

Me and my Boyfriend

Me and my Boyfriend

Most Ridiculous Moment: Chosing a random day in February and pretending it was my birthday… And going to the worlds largest foam party.

Me!

My Pretend Birthday!

Most Inspirational Moment: watching the summer olympics.

Most unexpected Moment: Being a juror on a month long federal crime case… And meeting a man that was good friends with Einstein.

April 26th, jury duty summons

April 26th, jury duty summons

Most Jaw-Dropping Moment: Meeting my favorite Shoe designer, Vince Camuto

My idol vince camuto

My idol vince camuto

Most Lavish Moment: Have a private tour of the Christies Auction House, after hours.

Best Job: styling assistant for a celeb stylist

designers galore

designers galore

Greatest Achievement: taking a picture a day for a whole year! It is more of a feat than you may think.

The Thing That Made Me Smile the Most: Realizing I am just so much closer to my dreams than I think.IMG_1348

Craigslist Joe

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With all the heartbreaking and negative news spreading through the media like wildfire, I have found much hope in humanity in the documentary Craigslist Joe. A camera man follows a young individual for 31 days who survives solely on craigslist postings and the generosity of individuals across the country. Incredible stories and experience transpires throughout the whole film, reminding the audience that communal help does still exist. Powerfully moving, I highly recommend viewing the documentary with family and friends during the holiday season. Check it out!

Demand A Plan

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Heartbroken like the rest of this country, I have but a few words to say about the shooting in Newtown, CT. I am sending prayers and compassion to the victims and their families that had to feel this pain.

If you are like me and want to do more, please visit demandaplan.org and petition for gun control. This is the 60 mass shooting since Columbine, and each event is seemingly getting worse. Enough is enough. It is time to end these massacres on innocent lives.